What your horse sees: Confidence from the Horse’s Perspective

What Your Horse Sees: Confidence from the Horse’s Perspective

We talk a lot about confidence in the saddle—how to get it, keep it, or rebuild it after a tough ride. But have you ever wondered what your horse sees when they look at you?

Horses are masters of reading energy. As prey animals, their survival has depended on the ability to pick up even the subtlest cues from the environment—and from those around them. They don’t just respond to what we do; they respond to what we feel. To a horse, our energy speaks louder than our words.

Horses See the Truth

One of the most beautiful—and sometimes frustrating—things about horses is that they reflect what’s going on inside us. If we’re nervous but trying to act calm, they notice. If we’re saying “I’ve got this,” but our body says otherwise, they feel the disconnect.

This is where the idea of congruence comes in. Congruence means that your internal state matches your external expression. When your thoughts, emotions, and body language all line up, your horse relaxes. You’re communicating clearly, even without saying a word.

When Energy Gets in the Way

Have you ever been in a rush to catch your horse out in the field? Maybe you’re running behind for a lesson or the farrier is already waiting at the barn. You stride out there with halter in hand, focused on getting the job done fast—and your horse turns tail and trots the other way.

Few things are more frustrating in the moment. (Well, maybe trailer loading a horse who suddenly decides today’s not the day.) But from your horse’s perspective, your energy is coming in hot. You’re focused on a timeline, and they’re focused on safety. The urgency you feel translates to pressure for them—and they respond in the only way that makes sense to a prey animal: by avoiding it.

Horses Don’t Hear “Don’t”—And Neither Do We

Here’s something I’ve always believed: horses don’t hear the word “don’t”—and honestly, neither do we.

If you’re thinking, “Don’t buck me off,” your brain paints a vivid picture of your horse bucking. Then it tacks on the word “don’t” as a hopeful afterthought. But by that point, both your mind and your body are already preparing for the worst.

What your horse feels isn’t “Please be calm.” It’s more like, “Oh, we’re expecting some silliness today!” Our energy has already created a picture of the thing we’re trying to avoid—and that’s what they pick up on.

Instead of “don’t,” try focusing on what you do want. Calm. Connection. Rhythm. Forward. When your thoughts paint a positive picture, your energy follows—and your horse feels the difference.

How to Show Up with Confidence (Even When You’re Wobbly Inside)

So what can you do to show up more congruently for your horse?

1. Check in with yourself. Before you ride—or even walk out to the field—pause. What’s going on inside you? Are you rushing, anxious, or distracted? Just noticing makes a difference.

2. Breathe. Slow, deep breathing grounds your energy. Horses feel that shift instantly and often respond in kind.

3. Be honest. You don’t have to pretend to feel calm when you don’t. Instead, bring your awareness to the moment and allow your energy to settle before you act.

4. Use intention. Horses don’t just respond to motion—they respond to meaning. Approach with curiosity, connection, and a clear message: I see you, and I’m here.

5. Focus on what you want, not what you fear. Let your thoughts create an image that supports the ride you want to have, not the one you’re afraid of.

6. Get support. Confidence isn’t always easy to build alone. Whether it’s coaching, mindfulness practices, or simply having someone to process with, support helps you show up more fully—for yourself and your horse.

Confidence Isn’t a Performance—It’s a Partnership

Your horse doesn’t need you to be fearless. They need you to be authentic. When you show up with grounded presence, your horse feels safe. When your inner and outer worlds match, your communication becomes clear—and trust grows.

At Joy Ridge Coaching, I help riders develop this kind of congruent confidence, both on and off the horse. Whether you’re working through fear, rebuilding trust, or just want to deepen your partnership, you don’t have to do it alone.

Because when you align your energy with your intention, your horse sees the real you—and that’s who they trust most.