Is My Horse Right for Me? Rebuilding Confidence in the Saddle

Is My Horse Right for Me? Rebuilding Confidence in the Saddle

Have you ever left the barn wondering if you’re the right rider for your horse—or if they’re the right horse for you? Whether you’ve had a confidence-shaking fall, a tough lesson, or just a string of off days, this question can sneak in and stay. You’re not alone, and you’re not failing either one of you.

Where Confidence Cracks Begin

Confidence loss doesn’t always happen in one dramatic moment. It often builds quietly:

• A horse bucks or bolts unexpectedly.

  
  
  
  

• You start dreading certain situations—trail rides, cantering, shows.

  
  
  
  

• You used to feel joy around your horse, and now you feel tension or anxiety.

  
  
  
  

  When your inner alarm bells start ringing, it’s worth listening—but not rushing to conclusions.

  
  
  
  

I had a client, with permission from the client to share the story, that had a beautiful horse that she had purchased, and she had completed all the training with. She would take this particular horse to clinics or shows, to enjoy herself, and she would win often. However, when she got home, she didn’t feel like a winner. She felt disappointed in the ride, even though it was a winning ride— She was disappointed. In our coaching session, we were able to search deeper into what she was really feeling to find it was that her expectations of the horse at five years old were different than what her reality actually was. In her head, she wanted to be showing at least third level in his five-year-old year, and she was just starting first level. Which left her open for disappointment to creep in. What she realized what was truly happening was her expectations had parted from reality. And when that happens, a lot of time,  we experience disappointment or frustration. During her next ride, she reported back that she felt overwhelmingly happy and pleased to sit aboard her wonderful horse, and to sit in the moment where her horse is rather than where she expected him to be. 

Her frustration had nothing to do with her ability or his abilities, it had to do with her expectations versus reality.

 Compatibility ≠ Perfect Rides

A good match isn’t about perfection. It’s about communication, trust, and how you both show up over time. Ask yourself:

• Do I feel safe, even when things go sideways?

  
  
  
  

• Does my horse try to understand me, or constantly ignore me?

  
  
  
  

• Can I recover from bad days with this horse—or do they compound?

  
  
  
  

 There are a lot of people who are over-mounted on beautifully trained horses, because they think that they need a schoolmaster to learn on. However, as they start to ride, the horse itself begins to get frustrated by the lack of clear communication from their new rider. 

There are also a lot of people that are very talented, capable riders, that are under-mounted for their goals. It’s such a breath of fresh air when I see two well matched souls. One example that stands out for me the most in my lifelong equestri-dom is a friend of mine that would come to the barn to spend wonderful time with her horse, both mounted and on the ground. She was always smiling, always had a nice thing to say. One of the stand out reasons why I noticed that she was so happy in her experience with the horses is that she and her horse were very well matched. She would take this horse out on trail rides, she would take a clinic with a well known jumping trainer, she would go to a horse show and compete, and then she would simply come to just be with her horse. What I noticed through her is: if there is a compatible match, the horse is able to meet the expectations of the rider, and the writer is able to meet the clarity that the horse needs.  This is where the happiness flows. That’s why I truly believe Joy can be found in the barn.

And on the opposite end, that’s where we find the rider who is over mounted. This is the person that has a panic attack driving to the barn for their lesson. This is a person who cries silent tears as they’re saddling up, or tells their trainer as they’re going into the show pen, that they don’t wanna do this anymore. This is the person who is braced and stiff in the saddle, perhaps wondering if they’re going to willfully dismount at the end of the ride, or if the horse is going to arrange it for them. It’s also a person who shows up to meet the chiropractor, the veterinarian, the saddle fitter, the Farrier, and the Equine communicator… all hoping that they will give concrete reasoning to why this horse might not be a good citizen, that doesn't solely point to the rider not being the right person for the horse.

Asking the above questions, allows for true real, and deep reflection.

Coaching Insight

This is where the coaching piece shines. Often, the horse is mirroring something deeper:

• Are you asking for connection, but not giving it to yourself?

  
  
  
  

• Are you pushing down fear like you did as a kid to “be strong”?

  
  
  
  

• Are you expecting yourself to “just get over it”?

• How are you “trying” to work with this horse?

• How is the horse responding to the ask?

• How is the fear showing up for you? Racing thoughts? Shortness of breath? Bracing in your body?

• How is your horse appropriate for you?

• How can you change your approach?

  
  
  
  

In coaching sessions at JoyRidge, we slow it all down. We bring the rider’s whole self to the arena—not just the part trying to be brave. The “brave face” serves no one but those around you; you are allowed to feel happy, you are allowed to feel scared, you are allowed to want more. By showing up and looking at the moment now, we can gain more clarity around your expectations and your reality. 

 Rebuilding Confidence, One Truth at a Time

Here’s the truth: it’s okay to question your partnership. And it’s brave to admit when something’s off. Whether you continue with your horse or move on, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re listening—and honoring your growth. I have had horses that didn’t suit me, and I found them the right homes. And they thrive! It had nothing to do with me, failing them, and everything to do with me helping find them a place where they can flourish. I’ve also had horses where I struggle, and that struggle is based upon my own growth, not the horses. When I decided to focus on my growth rather than on my Horses ability, the chains of fear and frustration were lifted, sometimes the truth lies in the way, you look at it. And the beautiful thing about us humans, as we can reframe just about anything.

If you’re asking yourself “Is my horse right for me?”—pause, breathe, and know that this is a valid, wise question. Sometimes, the answer lies in honest reflection, not reaction. And sometimes, you need support to untangle what’s fear, what’s fact, and what’s next.

👉 Want to explore this question in a safe, judgment-free space? My confidence coaching sessions combine grounded Gestalt work with practical riding insight. Reach out to schedule a discovery call or visit JoyRidgeCoaching.com