From Fear to Freedom: Reclaiming Confidence in the Saddle

I used to throw my leg over a horse without a second thought. However, as time passed, I felt an overwhelming sense of fear grow and I began to hesitate, question and freeze. Where had my confidence gone— and how do I get it back?

Research among Olympic-level athletes, including equestrians, suggest that up to 35% experience symptoms of anxiety or depression. This rate is comparable to other high-performance athletes but may be exacerbated by the responsibility of working with a live animal. Riders fear falling and injury, as horseback riding has one of the highest injury rates among sports. Some fear performance pressure, particularly in judged events like reining or dressage. There is a big responsibility for the horses welfare that adds emotional strain. Even the financial stress as an equestrian, this sport is quite expensive and competitive. For me personally, my hesitation came about after being given a horse that I thought had a lot of potential. He was everything I had dreamed of as a young girl showing in the APHA all around classes; huge, handsome, roan, a solid mover, slow legged…. I took him knowing I had the experience to work with a problem horse, as that had been my career for some time. Throwing my leg over off the mounting block, this horse bolted, then broke in half. My right foot hadn’t hit the stirrup yet, and he was bucking like a saddle bronc. I hit the ground, and couldn’t move. My mom happened to be in my headphones, as we were chatting while I worked him, so she called a friend that happened to be at the barn too. She drove me to the house and I got into the house and about fell over out of sheer pain. It was only then, that I realized while flailing through the air, my jeans had ripped from the belt loops down to my knee. I ended up going to the urgent care, out of fear that my pelvis was broken, fortunately I am a very sturdy person, but my confidence after that was not.

 I decided sending that horse back to the breeder was the best option, and I was still able to ride my own horse without an issue. However, I got on my client horses less and less, and went an entire year without riding many other horses. I use to be the kid at a horse auction that would get on anything, and I mean anything. I went to get on my sons horse and had that tight feeling in my chest and a nagging “oh I hope you don’t buck” going through my head. I could physically feel my anxiety and fear take over my body, for a horse my son has ridden dozens of times. It was then, in that moment, that I knew I had past traumas I needed to work through. Gestalt helps you notice and process what is true in the present moment- not stuck in the past or anxious about the future. I am aware this horse was not the same horse as the saddle bronc I was thrown from, but telling my body that was something entirely different. 

I decided, the right answer for me is to prove that this horse is the safe horse that I allow my son to ride. For me, this is doing ground work and making sure my communication is clear to him, and he is responding the way I would like him to respond. Doing ground work also allows him to get out any excess energy that might contribute to fighting or being naughty. Once I knew he was on the same frequency as me, I began breathing deep into my lungs to create a more peaceful feeling throughout my entire body, I’ve noticed that anxiety breathing does not get air deep into the lungs, which contributes to that breathless feeling. This was enough for me to feel comfortable and safe around the horse, and I began checking in with myself:

Body awareness- Where do I feel the fear in my body when I go to mount?

Inner Voice Check-In: What do I say to myself right before mounting?

Small Wins Strategy: Set micro-goals for confidence, like haltering without rushing.

In just a few sessions, I was able to get on and enjoy the ride, without the fear of my past bad experiences creeping in to feed the fear. I found genuine enjoyment in training this particular horse, and my confidence grew from there. 

Confidence is not about fear disappearing. It is about you showing up with courage- even if your hands are shaking. If you relate to this story, I encourage you to leave a comment or send me a message. I also am booking new clients for onsite confidence coaching, mounted and unmounted sessions are available. 

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